Why Grieving Widows Are Surprised By Grief

Why You Absolutely Cannot Avoid Grieving After Your Husband Dies.

You may have felt like you were prepared to cope with your husband's death.

But now you realize how impossible it is to truly prepare for the grief you are experiencing. You are not alone, every Widow is Surprised by Grief in some unexpected way.

It doesn't matter if your husband's death was sudden or the result of a long illness; there is no way you could prepare for the grief that comes.

I am sorry for your loss. I know that it is painful. 

Your husband's death causes you the most significant suffering and pain that you will ever experience.

You experience all sorts of confusing, conflicting emotions. Sometimes two or three different emotions all at the same time.

This cascade of emotions can leave you feeling confused, frustrated, and scared.

You have experienced and will continue to experience times when your emotions start to surge, and you begin to feel tears welling up. You may respond by trying to shut down your feelings and avoid crying.

Why do you try to shut down your emotions? 

Many widows feel pressured not to grieve. To hide their struggle.

Have you been embarrassed and uncomfortable because of unexpected outbursts of emotions?  

Somehow it feels like grief ought to be over quickly. Or that it is optional, abnormal, or even a sign of weakness.

On the other hand, some widows don't feel the need to grieve at all.

My professional and personal experience have caused me to conclude that most people don't know how to grieve.

You may feel that way since the death of your husband has turned your life upside down. 

It feels like part of you is missing. 

You are probably wondering what the correct response is to such a significant loss? 

We know from research, from past history, and from other people's experiences that grieving is the right response to loss. It is an absolutely normal, natural, and necessary process you must go through after the death of your husband.

If that is true, why do we avoid grieving? 

Because it hurts and we don't like pain. We want quick fixes. But grieving is a long process. 

Many widows apologize for showing emotions after losing their husbands.  

But they don't have anything to apologize for. 

Expressing your feel­ings is absolutely the best thing you can do right now if you want to work through your grief.

Research tells us that it is healthy, and it shows you're human.

The best advice I can give you as you start your grief journey is to give yourself permission to grieve.

 As much as you may desire to avoid grieving the loss of your husband, let me reiterate the 3 reasons why you can't avoid grieving.

3 reasons why you can't avoid grieving.

Reason 1 - Grief is natural. It is the human thing to do.

You can't avoid grief - it's built into you.

You're created to grieve, just as you're designed to love.

You love, and when you lose someone you love, you grieve.

Reason 2 - Grief is normal.

Because it is how you respond to the loss of a significant person in your life.

It's totally normal to expect women who've lost a husband to be deeply affected by their loss.

Reason 3 - Grief is necessary.

It provides a healthy way to cope with your loss and everything that your husband means to you.

Ignoring or avoiding grief won't work. It will only cause more pain and makes your grief last longer.

Why is it important to know these three secrets about grieving?

Because Knowing these three truths will help you enter into your grief for your own benefit.

So, let yourself grieve for as long as it takes.

Giving yourself permission to grieve is the healthiest way to respond to the death of your husband.

 Remind yourself often that grieving is normal, natural, and necessary.